Recently my husband left on a three month deployment. This circumstance is not unusual as he’s been in the Navy for 17 years and we’ve seen our share of deployments. What was unusual was that I didn’t cry when he left. Usually I feel really sad the day he leaves and a little bit depressed. It’s almost like I would think that in order to be a good wife I had to be depressed and sad when my husband leaves. If I don’t cry it would indicate that I don’t love him enough.
Really?
Do crying and sadness over someone leaving mean we love them? Are we insensitive if we aren’t sad when someone we love leaves?
These were questions I asked myself right before he left. I also made a decision that the day he left I was going to hold space for myself to feel whatever I wanted to feel that day.
Guess what happened?
I didn’t feel like being sad when he left. I wasn’t happy and jumping up and down glad he was gone though either!! I decided I wanted to feel peaceful and confident. So I thought things like, “It’s only three months!”, “I’ve got this!”, “Good thing I’ve done this before!”, “I’m fine”, “Now we can begin counting down!” “It’s always so fun when he comes home!” “It’s possible we can have a fun summer even if he’s not home.”
Guess what happened?
I felt calm, peaceful, and confident about him leaving. Deployment isn’t my favorite time, and I love my husband so much, but this time I realized I’m a great wife even if I don’t cry and I don’t have to feel sad unless I want to!
And guess what? Sometimes I might just want to feel sad and miss him and that’s okay too.
